When I Grow Up

When we were young, we were all asked “What do you want to be when you grow up?” A lot of us had answers like teachers, doctors, lawyers, astronauts. Growing up, I honestly didn’t know. At one point I think I might have said Musician because I loved playing the piano and attempted many times to create songs of my own.

But even at a young age, the pragmatic side of me always said “well you can’t make a living off of being a musician unless you’re the best of the best. And you’re not.” It was such a negative, cynical way of thinking but in my heart I knew it to be true. There were plenty of people that I knew that could sing better than me, play the piano better than me, and I had no idea how to even go about writing a song.

Fast forward 20+ years and I find myself asking the same question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” And this time around, I find myself thinking of the endless possibilities instead of the limitations.

Why couldn’t I be this or that?
What’s stopping me?

No longer do I want to play the dream crusher in my own narrative but the encouraging voice of hope in a newfound chapter in my life.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t plan on completely abandoning my Nursing career. I worked really hard and paid a lot of money for my undergraduate and graduate degrees. But is it my passion? Is this what God wants for me?

I never took that into consideration when I chose my career field. My choice was purely out of what made sense to me at that time. I wanted a meaningful career, that made good money, and that would be flexible enough to find work as I moved around the world with my military husband. It checked all the boxes and for the most part, I really enjoyed what I did working on the Labor & Delivery floor.

Looking back, I think that at that point in my life, my spiritual walk was very superficial. I did what I thought all “good” Christian women did. But to be honest, I never put God in the forefront of my life and definitely didn’t pray or study His word before making decisions. I turned to friends and family and my own selfish ambition to lead me.

So now as I embark on this year of discovery, I am wholeheartedly letting God lead the way through prayer, supplication, and an overwhelming sense of gratitude. More than anything, I want to discover my gifts and passions and allow God to use me to help other women rediscover themselves through His eyes. And I have a sense of peace, that surpasses all understanding, in knowing that my future looks brighter than ever because I’m letting God lead the way this time around.

Discovery Verse:
“do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7 (ESV)