Season of Discovery

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.” Ecclesiastes 3:1

Autumn is my favorite season. Not just because I am an Autumn baby and love the “basics” like sweaters, pumpkin spice lattes, and riding boots. I love the feeling that change is upon us. The anticipation of cooler temperatures ahead and beautiful colors that will breakthrough the leaves is incredible. Though seeing all the changes that expose in nature is exciting, it’s harder to fully embrace change when it is thrust into our lives when it wasn’t “part of our plan.”

And don’t get me wrong. I’m used to change. Most of the time I really do embrace change. I’ve been a nomad my whole life, packing up every 1-3 years to move to another place with the military. First, as a child with my Dad and now, as an adult with my husband. This is the only life I know.

But being in Japan for two years, in the height of Covid and all the restrictions, I yearned for home. Seeing your parents go through medical issues and watching your nieces and nephews grow older through pictures and FaceTime is hard. I longed for the stability of staying in one place and planting roots. Something I had never wanted so bad until now.

So we came up with a plan. A plan that seemed full proof. We would aim to move to Maryland, where my family lived. We would buy a house, I would get back into nursing full time, and we would prepare to retire. With only a few more years left, it made sense that we should start looking into settling down and setting ourselves up for the future. This was it.

But isn’t it funny how very obvious God can be with us? He probably knows that we wouldn’t get it if it were too subtle. And doesn’t it feel like a gut punch when he answers our prayers but it’s not what we wanted? We got to Maryland. Just like we wanted. (answered prayer!) But then we started to realize that our plans weren’t His plans. Our search for a “forever home” fell flat when nothing that we’d be interested in buying was in our price range. And the ones that we were interested in were all being outbid by 10s of thousands of dollars with no inspections. But once we looked at rentals for a backup, immediately a house became available, way under our budget and in the school district we wanted. God. And as we’re in the midst of house hunting, my husband finds out that this 2-3 year assignment will actually only be one. God. And the job search, which I felt so qualified for became a bust. Not one job offer or even an interview. This included a substitute school nursing position, which I had just spent two years doing in Japan and was supposed to be a backup. Nothing. Okay. I’m listening, God. I get it.

So as I felt defeated, embarrassed, and just frustrated over everything that didn’t go according to my plan, I began to pray. And I started to listen. And as crazy as it sounds, I felt an overwhelming conviction to withdraw the dozens of applications I had and just be at peace with knowing that I am not supposed to be working right now. I don’t know why. I don’t know what He has planned for me but I know I must obey.

So I am using this year, which I am calling my discovery year, to figure out what I’m supposed to be doing with my life. Whether it’s uncovering gifts and passions I didn’t realize I had or using my time to work on myself and become more spiritually and physically healthy. I’m not sure exactly what it’s going to look like but I know I’m not supposed to idly sit by and waste this time. His plans are greater than mine and it’s my job to discover what that is.