Before becoming a Mom, I was very sure of who I was and what I wanted to accomplish. I was the overachieving, goal-setting type. And for the most part, when I set my mind to something, I got it done. My biggest goal in life at that point was to be successful. In my mind that meant having a good, stable career where I didn’t have to worry financially. It meant letters behind my name, status, cars, a home, and all luxuries.
It’s funny how the word “success” changes when you become a parent. In the thick of taking care of little ones, “success” turned into making it through the day without a mental breakdown and keeping the kids alive.
Now that I’m past the changing diapers, working around nap schedules, having kids by my side 24/7 phase, I realize that in the thick of raising little children, my whole existence and identity was consumed by being a Mom and nothing else.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret staying at home with the boys full-time at all. I actually consider it a complete blessing and I am so grateful that I was thrust into the homemaker lifestyle. But after all of those years of where my identity was “Mom” and there was no room for anything else, I realize that I lost a piece of my myself that I’m not sure if I’m able to reclaim again. My priorities have changed, I have grown and matured, and I realize that I am not the same woman I once was pre-children.
So if I’ve outgrown who I once was, and now there’s room for me to be someone other than just “full time Mom at home,” who am I? Thus enters my identity crisis.
These past few weeks, I’ve been trying to figure out these questions.
Who am I?
What is my purpose?
Initially, I thought I could fill in the pieces of what I felt I lost during child rearing with more accolades.
I can make more money if I do this. I can find success if I try to do this.
But I realized quickly that I was falling back into the trap of measuring success by worldly standards. If I’m not the same person I was, why would I go back to the things that I don’t prioritize now?
Through prayer and Bible study, I’m quickly learning that in order for me to find peace and joy in this life, I need to stop looking at myself the way the world sees me. I need to focus on how God sees me. And to be able to do this, I needed to look up what God says I am through His word and completely embrace the identity that He has given me through Jesus Christ.
I am a child of God.
I am known.
I am loved.
I am forgiven.
I have a purpose.
I am redeemed.
I am chosen.
I am saved.
This is my identity. I am not “just a Mom”. I’m also not just a nurse, or just a wife, or just a military spouse. I am a daughter of the King. I am known, loved, chosen, forgiven, redeemed, saved, and have a purpose. And having this identity in Christ is giving me the freedom to let go of all of my insecurities, fears, worries, doubts, and negative thoughts. I can now focus on the gifts God has given me and be able to use them to further His kingdom.
And in doing knowing this, I feel like I can finally take a deep breath and enjoy this process. Knowing my identity is in Christ. I don’t have to keep searching for this piece of myself that’s been “missing” when it’s actually been with me all along. I just needed to a little nudge from the Holy Spirit to remind me.
“and I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty.”
2 Corinthians 6:18 (ESV)
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