Dance Like Nobody’s Watching

Music has always played a huge part of my life. My Mom used to say how I danced before I could even walk. One of my favorite stories that my Korean aunt tells about my childhood was how difficult it was for her to go shopping with me because I would always stop at any store that played music and just start dancing. She’d have to pry me away from the music to get anything done.

That confident toddler didn’t care about what people thought or who she was dancing in front of. She just swayed to the beat of the music and loved every second of it.

Fast forward to when I was about 7 years old. I begged my Mom to sign me up for a ballet class. I didn’t know anybody that would be in the class, but I knew I loved to dance and I wanted to learn more. This time, I was very aware of how I looked and how I was perceived in that dance class.

I only went to two classes before I realized how different I looked from everyone and begged my Mom to let me quit. All the little girls in the class were super skinny, short, and had light hair. I was obviously bigger, taller, and had very different features. I decided then that I would stick to my piano playing and dancing privately in my room.

It’s one of those core memories that stick with you until adulthood. I wouldn’t be able to tell you anything else that happened to me that year. But I can vividly remember the inside of that dance studio, the shame and embarrassment I felt, and the conversation I had with my Mom about wanting to quit.

As I use this year to rediscover who I am, I’ve come to realize that my love for music, including dance, is still very much alive. After taking a few Zumba® classes at my local gym, my instructor pulled me aside after class and encouraged me to sign up for the Zumba® Instructor class. She thought I’d be good at it and honestly it was such a confidence booster.

So this past Sunday, I took the leap and completed the B1 Zumba® Instructor course. 9 hours of training that consisted of lectures, application, and hours of dance. I’ve never danced so much in my life but I loved every second of it.

Yes, my insecurities still lingered as I looked around the room. And yes, I couldn’t help but compare myself to others. But I ended up ignoring the negativity in my head and danced like nobody was watching. And for the first time, in a long time, I did something that brought me pure joy.

I don’t know what God has in store for me with this new Zumba® Instructor license. I don’t even know if I’m called to use this new skill as part of my journey. All I know is that for one full day, I did something I loved and had fun with. Something that was completely my own. Something I worked hard for and earned. And I’m just really proud of myself for stepping out of my comfort zone and doing something that scared me in the past.

I think in Motherhood, we’re so consumed with taking care of our little ones that we lose a little bit of ourselves along the way. The passions, the interests, and the hobbies we once claimed as our own get overtaken by the chores, the responsibilities, and the pressures of everyday.

I’m here to give you encouragement that just because you’re now a Mom doesn’t mean you can’t do things that you once loved or wanted to try. Yes, this may be a season where it seems impossible, especially when your kids are still really young. But it won’t always be that way.

There will come a time when you’ll be given the opportunity to try new things and explore your gifts. I encourage you that when that time comes, don’t let it slip away because of fears and insecurities from your past. Use the time to discover what gifts and talents God has given you to be able to further His kingdom. No matter how small or trivial they may seem, God can use anything for His good.