Peace in the Midst of Chaos

Emotions have been running high lately. Not only did we move across the world only four months ago, we are now in the process of trying to figure out where we’re headed to next summer. That’s 8 months from now.

The thought of having to decide what location and job would be best not only for our family life but my husband’s career is a little daunting. He is so close to retirement eligibility but the truth is that we are not financially and mentally prepared to hang up the military lifestyle just yet.

Maybe we’d feel different if we moved to Maryland and everything would’ve “worked out as planned.” But when speaking candidly with the kids and my husband, we are all in agreement that this place doesn’t feel like home. It feels like merely a pitstop; a long layover.

And maybe we feel this way because in our heads we know that we have to leave. And it’s easier to say “it doesn’t feel like home” when we know it can’t be right now. But if I’m being completely honest with myself, I think that we had these high expectations of what it would be like to live here. And when high expectations fall short, it leaves room for disappointment.

In the midst of the stress and worry of the next impending move mixed with the feelings of disappointment of what “should” have been, I opened up room in my heart for resentment and confusion to enter.

Being in this headspace has not been fun. I’ve been praying for peace in my heart and mind. I want to trust that God’s plans are always greater than mine. But as I continue to study God’s word, I’m realizing that maybe I’ve misunderstood the word peace. At least when it comes to the biblical sense.

In my mind, I thought peace meant freedom from the chaos, the noise, and the disturbances. No feelings of unhappiness; no fighting; everybody gets along. But studying The Armor of God, I’m learning that this is not the shalom (peace) that God speaks of.

Peace from God is not the absence of chaos. Peace from God is the overwhelming sense of security, harmony, and calmness we get in the midst of chaos. We get this peace, the anchoring, grounding type, when we have a direct, personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ.

All these thoughts that have been going through my mind: the disappointments, the confusion, the sadness and anger is not from God but from the enemy.

Jesus tells us in the Bible that the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy. To steal our peace, to cause chaos, confusion, anxiety, and disruption. And by allowing my thoughts of disappointment and worry to take over, I have given him direct access to steal the peace that God gives me.

So as we embark on the long process of figuring out where the Army will send us to next, I’ve had the conviction to pray for peace this month. The peace that can only come from God. I pray that He will give you this peace, at all times, in every way also.